Thursday, May 28, 2009

Is this the end?

First of all, I want you to know that this post may contain some TMI. I don't know how much or little I plan to include just yet, we'll see how it goes. For what it's worth, you've been forewarned.

For the past few weeks I've been having issues with Bella and nursing. She's been distracted, taking longer to eat, and her poopy diapers were really runny, basically water. I've tried covering her, to keep her interested, but she just plays with the cover. Under the advice of a good friend, Christine, who lives in PA and knows EVERYTHING (or so it seems), I started nursing her the same side, 2 feedings in a row to make sure Bella was getting the fatty hind milk. Her poops got a little better, but she just wasn't getting enough.

I used to pump in the morning. She would wake up and nurse on one side, then I would pump the other. I slowly noticed I was getting less and less, and so was she. She's been nursing BOTH sides, every feeding, for the past week. And she "empties" both sides. I'm talking deflated balloons here! I'm not getting as full either it seems. I've known this is coming. I wanted to nurse until she was 1 at least, but now I'm wondering if I'll make it to 6 months. This makes me very sad. She's been on solids for a week now, because I've felt she needed something 'more'. She is more than ready and doing well. I only give them to her once a day in the evenings though, so that shouldn't affect my supply too much.

I know there are things to do to increase my supply, but in all honesty, I feel that this is really the beginning of the end. I've been eating oatmeal every day. At one point it was working, but not this time around. =(

**Here comes the TMI**

So today I go to the bathroom, you know, because I had to go, and I lok down and I had started my period at some point this morning, and never even knew. SUPER. I've had a nauseous feeling off and on for a couple weeks, but nothing that would make me think that my period was coming. In all honestly, I had a fleeting though that I might be pregnant again! So I still have a queasy feeling in my tummy, and I AM cramping a bit, but really, I probably wouldn't even notice the cramping if I wasn't thinking about it, ya know? I'm really irritated. I didn't want it to come back, not yet. It would have been nice to have some sort of notice, maybe some spotting or real cramping, or SOMETHING. Nope, just go to the bathroom and "Oh, by the way, you're period is here". My clothes are soaking in the laundry room now. I need to go rinse them. Stupid period.

I'm so happy I've been able to nurse her this long, and I will continue to do so as long as I can, but I feel that I will be thawing out some of the frozen stash. I have four cans of formula, plus two bags of another kinds that are supposed to be one day supplies, and a couple small sample boxes. All of which have been sent to me free via the manufacturers (Enfamil, Good Start, Parents Choice, etc). So that is good, Plus I get really GOOD coupons in the mail once a month too.

I'm not looking forward to having to give her formula, mostly because of the financial strain it will put on us. Formula is not cheap, but I feel blessed that we have gone this long. And that is the way we have to look at it. There are so many women who aren't able to go this long, or at all, so I have to feel blessed that I have been able to give her the best there is, for as long as I can.

*sigh* Today makes me sad. It's not the end of the world, but I love nursing her so much. I love the special connection. I love her looking up at me while she nursing. The smiles. I love how she cuddles me and falls asleep against me. I plan to cherish every minute of nursing that I have left.


  1. Hey Michele! :) Sorry AF arrived already. Not fun, especially sneaking up on you like that!!

    About breastfeeding, I'd just keep on nursing Bella on demand. Preston is a one-side-per-feeding nurser and he can drain me in 5 minutes flat! At this point, babies become more efficient nursers. I know you said it seems like she's eating for longer, but maybe she just wants to suck for comfort? And if you want to continue, remember not to go too fast with solids (like adding in additional feedings) and to always nurse first, then offer solids.

    Preston has also become easily distracted while nursing. If one of the other kids walks by or makes a noise, he cranes his neck (while still attached - OUCH!) to see what's going on. You can try feeding her in a dark room to see if that will help or make a nursing necklace to hang around your neck that she can hold onto while feeding.

    Also, AF can cause a dip in supply at the beginning, so that may be the cause for her difference in nursing habits. Good luck!!!

  2. Hey darling, I know in some ways how you feel. Of course I went through the feelings when the boys were only 5 weeks old instead of 5 months.

    I know that K is a LEO, and I'm sure you qualify for WIC. I DID NOT want to apply for WIC, it seemed so... embarressing, but honestly we can't live without it. Right now they supply with me almost $300.00 of formula a month. In addition to cereal and juices. If we had stayed in NY I would have got 31 jars of baby food per baby. Every state has different regulations, but don't be afraid to look into it.

    Our husbands serve our communities and country. Its the least they can do for us =)

  3. Lindsay - I'm hoping it comes back up quickly!

    Ashley - I'm almost positive he makes too much, but like you said it wouldn't hurt to look into it. I'mholding out as long as I can though.

    Ironically enough, 2 samples (full cans) of formula came today - Parent's Choice brand. I sign up for free samples all over the place. I just thought it was funny that they came today.