Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Ramblings of a mommy...

Everyone knows that moms sacrifice a lot for their kids. And i knew that when I became a mom, I would give my very last breath to my child.. what I didn't know, was that she would absolutely be taking ever single breath from me, on a daily basis! When she was first born, it was non-stop nursing and diaper changes. I pushed through it. Sometimes my goal would be to just make it through the next hour, I told myself whatever I could to get myself through whatever challenge was at my feet that moment. As she got older, it was diaper explosions, constant baby proofing (and reproofing!), dinner explosions, toy box explosions... Whatever she got into, it always seemed to end up with an explosion of some sort. Toys everywhere, food everywhere, everything everywhere. If it wasn't her making a mess, it was just a tantrum after tantrum over.. well, half the time I never know what it's over! She's almost 20 months, and she is amazing. My point though, is that I am sheerly exhausted every single day, regardless of her mood. And everyone tells me to take time for myself.. well, I'm asking you, when do I get that time?


I can tell you all the wonderful things I'd love to do - go shopping, get a pedicure, get my hair cut, go out with the girls.. And yes, I have had my moms nights out, but the horrible part is, even then I'm thinking of her, wondering if she's okay, if she's being good for daddy, if she's eating dinner, if she took a bath, if she went to bed okay. And if i go out during the day without her, I still feel rushed to get back home. It's like an invisible house arrest or leash. I can leave, but I'm still attached.

I don't want to be detached from my family, that's really not what I'm saying. I'm just saying, I don't ever have complete "me" time. Even now as I'm trying to write this blog, I can hear her whimpering over the monitor, letting me know that she is undoubtedly waking up from her nap, a whole hour and a half early. I'm almost positive that if I hadn't opened this laptop to blog, she'd still be asleep. You see, it's her "mommy is being productive" radar. If I was just screwing around, not doing anything of importance (yes, blogging is important to me, even though I rarely do anymore), then she'd still be sound asleep. I suppose that's the way it will always be, all the way up until.. well probably forever. I really wouldn't want to trade it though. I love the feeling that I get when she just wants me, when I am the only person who can comfort her, calm her, and make her happy, even when I'm the same person who has upset her by not letting her climb on the TV stand. That's a feeling I would never, ever trade in a million years.

But, I really would like to get my hair cut. My problem is that even though it's not expensive, I can find all kinds of other things to spend money on, or not at all. In reality, my hair is just fine, although annoying to me, and I can survive just fine with it the way it is. See what I did there? I just talked myself out of a haircut.

For Christmas, I want a gift certificate to a local salon. To get my hair cut. I don't even want it colored or highlighted or any of that. Just a cut. Oh, and a Shark Steam Mop. Yeah.

On a side note: Isabows are doing well.. I've got some orders coming in now, and I'm excited! Halloween Bows are coming out now, and I'm having fun making them!

The princess is calling..

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