Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Potty Training.. it's hit or miss..

Yes, We've reached the point of Potty Training. Bella finally isn't revolting against sitting on the potty, and we are working on it. She's doing really well, and although she's having misses at least once a day, I think that it won't take her long to get it all sorted out.

We started bare bottom. I just, one afternoon, decided to see what would happen and, well, there was some pee in the potty, and some pee on the floor. I do have to say, potty training is one way to slowly sanitize your floors! We have gotten to the point now where I've got her in panties, and she's going and pulling them down. It takes reminding to get her to pull them down, but she's getting it, slowly but surely, she's getting it. We use Butterfinger bites and lollypops as rewards for going poop on the potty. Sparkly star stickers for pee. She puts the stickers on her potty, or on herself, or on mommy or daddy. She's also decorated her John Deer toy tractor, which I told her was the only toy she could put the stickers on. So far, I haven't found then stuck to anything else...

When we go out, she gets a pull-up on, also at night and naptimes, although, today I'm testing the waters and left her in her panties during naptime. I'm certain she will go in them, but, I think if we do it a few times, she will get it, and know what her potty is there in her room for her to go in if she needs to.

Any other tips/ideas for potty training are welcomed! I'm excited to get rid of diapers! Even though I still have to work on going #2, I'm still thrilled that I'm not having to change her diaper!

Friday, July 22, 2011

Cake-Pop GIveaway by Beckaboo's Cakes!

If you love cake, and who doesn't, and you live in the Winchester/Shenandoah Valley area, then you want to enter to win this fabulous giveaway. Beckaboo's cakes are sweet, delicious, and leave you wanting more every time! She specializes in cake pops, and if you've never had one, let me tell you a little about them. They are the PERFECT bite-size piece of cake on a stick. In a word: heaven. At least, I think so! She can make them in any flavor you want, and make them to look like pretty much anything you want (within reason.. I mean, they are ROUND to start with..)

If I've got your attention, go here ------> Beckaboo's Cakes <------- Like the page, then enter to win in her notes section!

And, if you AREN'T from the area.. you can still enter to win, and just gift your winnings to me ;) Just a thought.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Are you high?

If you are, you're an idiot.

I'm not saying I never did.. but, now I'm an adult, and getting high is stupid. When I see/hear about grown people getting high, especially those with families/careers, I just want to slap them and tell them they are freaking idiots and to just grow up already.

This thought comes from a good friend of mine recently experimenting with it. I don't think they will make it a habit, but the temptation is there. I told them it was dumb, and they shouldn't do it. For pete's sake, they have kids and responsibilities to think about.

So, in short, if you are an adult, and you are still getting high, you're an effing moron.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

New Beginnings!

Well, the move is complete! We are mostly moved in and settled. There is a lot to go through in the basement, and a few small boxes here and there of small odds n ends that just need to be sorted, but overall, we are in and settled and loving it. I've driven a little around the city, and I really love where we are. We are close to everything and yet don't feel like we are in the city.

The townhouse is really cute, and despite my original thoughts that it might be too small, we fit nicely in it, and its cozy and absolutely perfect for us. Of course there are things I'd like - a larger fenced in yard, bigger spare rooms, an office/craft room... but; for a place to get our roots down, settled in the city.. this is just perfect. It is a great city.. we'll see how much I like it when school starts. With three large colleges in the city, the population grows tremendously in the fall. JMU, EMU and Bridgewater all bring is thousands of students.

Anyhow, I'm just super excited. I just need to find a moms group, or start one, and get aquainted with some other people in the area for myself and for Bella. =) Thats next on my agenda. oh, and a part time job. I need to get my spare room cleaned up so I can start writing again!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

My Review of Butterfly Cake Topper

Originally submitted at The Knot

A symbol of joy and transformation, the butterfly is a perfect expression of your new life together. Made of glass, this self-standing cake topper features two butterflies encircled in a heart accented with white and silver leaves. 7" w x 6 1/2" h.


By Michele Argiro from Winchester, VA on 6/21/2011


5out of 5

Pros: Theme Oriented, Unique, Well Made, Attractive Design

Best Uses: Theme Weddings, Indoor Receptions, Outdoor Receptions, Large Weddings, Small Weddings, Destination Weddings, Gifts

Describe Yourself: Bride

I absolutely adored my Glass Butterfly Cake topper. It was pretty, elegant, and I have nothing negative to say about it. I am on the hunt for another one, as mine got broken a couple of year ago (not fixable!) I'd love to order a new one if anyone can help I'd appreciate it!



Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I'm searching...

For a new name for my blog. I originally started this with the intention of it being all about my daughter, but I really want it to be about me.. so what do you think the name should be?

I had a point when I started writing this.. then i just started rambling. Pretty standard for my posts.

So.. Apparently my mother is taking off to North Carolina to be with this guy Matt. I don't remember exactly if i've ever posted about it all, but I'll spare you the boring details and tell you the short of it. My Parents are divorce (almost) and my mom has a boyfriend who lives in NC that no one is allowed to talk to, and he's not allowed to talk to us. I don't know why, I can only make assumptions, but I'm sure it has something to do with things she's told him and the fact that i'd blow any falsifications right out of the water. Why would I do that? Because I freaking HATE her stories and lies.

Don't get me wrong. I really do love my mom. In fact, I just heard this news and I'm feeling rather upset about it. I know what will happen. She will go there, and she will never call or email or contact us. She barely contacts us now. The few times I've talked to her in the past couple of months has always been ME calling her. I don't want to hear excuses about she doesn't know when to call. I don't work. Just call. If I don't answer, leave a message. At least I'll see that you've called. Bitter? Just a bit.

This has me thinking about relationships and how they work. There are a lot of different kinds of relationships. Some you have no control over, (well, I really think you have no control over who comes into your life, you only have control over how long they stay in your life.. but that can be discussed later), they are blood relatives, they've always been there, you are forever connected to them in that way. Others you are connected by marriage, and then there are friendships. Lots and lots of 'friendships'. Some are real friends, others you may really just call them acquaintances. I try to be a friend to everyone. Really. I know I'm not perfect. I miss birthdays (I don't forget, I just lose track of the days sometimes!), I forget to call you back, I don't comment enough on Facebook (and really.. why is that even an issue?). BUT - I'm always here for you. I've been evaluating the relationships in my life. Who do I talk to the most. What relationships are beneficial to me emotionally, meaning, do they make me be a better person? And.. what friendships am I not being a good friend in? And what relationships am I doing all the 'work'.

There are people in my life I really enjoy being around. These are the friendships I'm evaluating. Is it mutual? Do we connect with each other, or is one person doing all the 'connecting'? This can be a problem, this one person connecting thing. Why? Because there is something lacking. Either the person doing the 'work' is trying to hard, or is being taken for granted, or maybe both. The person not 'doing anything'.. are they even interested? Do they care? I'm not saying it has to be a constant "my turn/your turn" back and forth, just.. are we reaching out to EACH OTHER?

I feel like I'm not able to get across my feelings very clearly. I feel like with some people inm y life I'm the one who always asks to see them, or tries to make plans. Really, it doesn't bother me that much, but, it does get to me sometimes. I know there may always be an 'open invitation' but really, lets take a moment to perhaps re-extend that offer?

Everything comes back to communication. And then it comes back to my own feelings. I could just say forget you and move on. I could talk to you, and say "I'm really hurt" or "I feel like this relationship isn't as important to you as it is to me" but then do I come off sounding needy and stalker-ish? Well. the truth is, I do nothing. I will continue to be there for you. VERY rarely have I cut off a person from my life. I believe you are in it for a reason. Even the few friendships I have ended, I have only done so for my own emotional health and well-being, but that door is never closed. All you have to do is try.

So - to those who that last part refers to - You know how it ended. You know what was said. I told you then and I told you now, the door is never closed. We only need to revisit what happened, because we both got hurt, and sort it out. Only then will we be able to work on our friendships.

So anyhow. My point is - I feel like I'm going to lose my mom because she makes no effort to talk to me. I have frie3nds whom I do all the calling, and I sometimes feel like our relationship isn't as important to them as it is to me. And I have fabulous friends who, call on me as I call on them, and we lean on each other, and we accept each other and can be ourselves with each other. Even if we don't see each other often, when we do it's like time never passed. You know who you are.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

We are..

In Pennsylvania. Finally! Getting settled is going to take some time, but it will come. Currently, I am taking a bit of a break from the computer. I still get on, but I'm just limiting my daily time online. I'm hoping it allows me to become more focused on other things, and to work on having less anxiety, which has become a huge problem recently. I think it is a result of all the stress going on, so I am hoping to get myself back to 'normal'. Once I'm settled, I'm planning on penciling in a couple nights a week to blog and just 'catch up' with things online.. like emails and facebook.

So - We're in Pa, just about an hour NW of Pittsburgh. I'm really in love with Pittsburgh - it is a beautiful city with old, rustic buildings that, even though they've been updated, they still have that 'old world' feel. So, i hope that while we are here, we are able to explore the city a bit, perhaps take a camera and try to get some nice pictures. Who knows. Right now we are focusing on finding jobs and getting settled.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Sometimes Good-Bye is a Second Chance..

If you have been a follower of my blog - you know a few things about me. I blog randomly, sometimes a lot, sometimes I go weeks without posting. I also repeat myself, a lot. It's because of the previous statement -random blogging intervals. I usually forget what I've said, so I just say it all again. Anyhow. the point, I think, was that I'm apologize if what you are about to read is something similar to what you've read recently.

I believe, whole-heartedly, that everything happens for a reason. I also believe that a door never shuts without another one opening, or at least a window being cracked. I am one to try and find the silver lining in a bad situation. Even if the lining is thin, it is ALWAYS there. Recently, my family has fallen into some troubling times. This has resulted in us moving out of our home, and in with my in-laws in Pennsylvania. It also means both Kevin and myself will be working full-time. None of this is anything I ever wanted. We really did try to look for jobs here in Virginia. We WANT to stay here, we love this area, and frankly, I don't want to leave my friends. BUT - the more I think about it, even though it breaks my heart - I cannot dwell on the sad, grim points in our lives. This is a positive experience, I will make it so.

Living with my in-laws will surely be an adjustment. I'm not a slob, but I'm not the tidiest person, either. I occasionally leave a coffee cup on the counter, or a dirty spoon in the sink. My Father in Law, well, lets just say there is never a dirty anything on the counter or sink. Unless I'm there. And even then, about 3.5 seconds after I walk away from it, he's putting it away. It will be an adjustment, for everyone. It will be okay, I know it will. I have to be more conscientious of what I do. They are kind enough to let us stay with them, the last thing I want to do is make them regret it in any way whatsoever. The area they live in is rural. There's a K-Mart, and somewhere there is a Wal-Mart, which I've only been to once, and it was a disaster. In this town, K-Mart trumps Wal-mart. There's no Target - at least not close-by. This is good and bad. I mean, I LOOOOOOVE Target. My bank account, not so much. You see why it's good and bad? Good for the bank account, bad for my love affair with Target. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?

It is beautiful there, I must say. Lots of fields and quietness. There is a GIGANTIC yard/field for Bella to play in behind the house. a little swing set to play on.. it really will be a great place for Bella to spend the summer.  I plan on looking up some playgroups (I hope) to get a few friends for Bella, and myself.. but with me working full-time, I'm not sure when I'd be able to really organize anything. It will work out, I'm sure. =)

At first I didn't want anything to do with the idea of moving up there. Really. Talking about it, I always used the word 'temporary', No, while we are still saying 6 month with his parents.. I'm feeling some peace about what may come after that 6 months. We may stay in the area. Property (housing) is cheap, and other than the winter being super cold, It really is nice up there. There is a lot to do outdoors, lots of family around, and I know I will  make friends eventually. I have started to really think - this is a good thing. This is a second-chance.

So, in the next week, I have got to say my good-byes. To my friends. The ones who, over the past year or two, have really become my family. Up until this point, the sheer idea of having to say good-bye brought me to tears and immediately wanting to run and sob in my pillow. It was one of these wonderful people that told me something that got me to thinking. She told me that perhaps I was brought into this group to help another mom. That perhaps I made another moms life better, helped her out, even if I don't know I did. Now that my 'job' is done, God is moving me somewhere else, that perhaps I am needed there. I really, REALLY believe that people are brought into our lives and taken out for reasons. Whether we are there to help them, or they are there to help us, everyone that you touch, or that touches you, does so for a reason. To help you learn, and grow, and use that experience to become better. I have rarely ever shut anyone out of my life. Actually, I've never completely closed the door on anyone. I've always left a door ajar, and those that have drifted out, are always welcome back. I never reversed the role in my own line of thinking - I never thought about me being the one drifting out of someone's life.. And so here we are.. just about a week away from me drifting away from a life that I have grown to love more than I thought I did. And a group of people who have undoubtedly touched my life, and my heart. Some are really family, others I have adopted as family. Regardless of WHY or HOW they have become connected to me, they are.

Good-Bye isn't forever. Good-Bye doesn't mean the end. It simply means I'll see you again soon. This good-bye, is a second chance. For my family to re-build and become stronger, and for the friendships I have to be tested, to show their strength. I will see everyone again. So, instead of good-bye, lets say, "So long".

Monday, April 18, 2011

Major Changes are happening!

I'm not going into detail, but due to some unforeseen circumstances, we are moving! Kevin has lost his job and instead of us scraping by to try and pay rent in a place local, his parents have so generously allowed us to come live with them temporarily until we can get on our feet.

I'll admit, at first I was REALLY against it, but the more I think about it, the better I feel about it. Really, I just don't want to leave this area. I have friends. I have AMAZING, supportive, caring, go-out-of-their-way-for-me friends. It's something I've never had growing up - that solid group, people you KNOW, without a doubt, you could rely on. And now I'm leaving them. *Temporarily* I keep saying to myself. But, the reality is, we don't know how long temporarily is. it could be 3 months, 6 months, we could end up getting our own place up there and then it would be even longer. It is also sad because in our group, there are quite a few little girls (and a couple boys!) that are right around Bella's age, and they all play and get along.. I will miss that for her. =(

I am grateful we will have plenty of family around to help us out with anything we need - including watching Bella while Kevin and I both work. That is going to be the biggest blessing of all. I am still considering possibly getting her into a half-day preschool twice a week (eventually) just so she has that interaction. We'll have to see when we get up there.

I'm concerned (probably more than I really need to be) about the sleeping situation. Where will Bella sleep? Where will all her stuff go? I hate feeling like I would be inconveniencing his parents in any way. I know they are going to have to move stuff around, I just don't want to make anything difficult for them - but at the same time, I want everything to be as normal as possible for Bella. It going to be ab adjustment for all of us, and My anxiety is definitely high. Once we get everything situated.. everything will fall into place.

So - thats the update. I have so many things I need to update - pictures and videos, but all of that is on the back burner until we can get everything else in our lives settled down.

Friday, April 8, 2011


Things in our life are changing, and changing soon. we are moving, we are both looking for job. we don't know where we will end up, but hopefully we can find someone who will be willing to rent to a couple of unemployed people with a baby.

Prayers are needed, positive vibes, thoughts, whatever.


Thursday, March 31, 2011


So - Bella has this cheapy foam magnetic alphabet puzzle. I bought it for her at the Dollar Tree as a stocking stuffer for Christmas. It has taken a beating, but we continue to somehow keep track of the letters. A few she has chewed on, a few the cat (yes, the cat) has chewed on. They've been in the sink, in the toy box, stepped on, kicked, in food.. you name it. But - hey, she loves magnets.

I try to b the great educational mom. You know the type: using every experience as a teaching experience. Pointing out every letter, color, shape, and number that they see to their child; they have flash cards, and every day do something involving some specific shape/color/letter/number. If you are one of those moms, I have much envy for you. I, no mater how much I'd like to be, am not that ambitious. I read to Bella, daily. She loves books. We point out whats in the pictures, naming items we see. We count flowers in the picture, or clouds, or whatever. We point out the red ball, the pink flower, the purple heart. I try, when I think about it, to point things out to Bella during any outings around town, but the truth it, I just don't think about it. We sing songs in the car, she finds it quite humorous for me to sing along with the radio, and occasionally tries to copy me. One subject I lack in teaching to her is letters. I don't know why, I don't have anything against teaching letters, and I certainly don't skip them on purpose, but I just don't find myself saying "Oh! Look Bella! It's the Letter V!". Nope, just not into it. Sure, she has books with letters, and we occasionally point them out in her alphabet book.. but, the point of all this is that I just lack in the Alphabet Education department.

Or so I thought. SO - back to this cheap magnet puzzle thing. Bella had them all over the kitchen floor. So we are picking up all the magnets, because EVERY MAGNET we own was on the floor. We get to the letters, and Bella is helping me stick them to the dishwasher. I ask her for the letter 'A'. She gave it to me. First try. Okay, I was a bit surprised, but it WAS right in front of her, so maybe a lucky guess? So I ask for 'B'. She looked for a moment.. then grabbed it and gave it to me. HOLY CRAP - My kid knows her letters! THANK YOU SESAME STREET! haha! So we went through the whole alphabet, and with the exception of 4-5, she handed me each letter I asked for, when I asked for it.

I know, as parents we should not rely on television to teach our children, but obviously shes picking it up from somewhere. I know Kevin works with her too, but.. I was just surprised and happy and super proud. And I just wanted to share.

Happy Birthday, LOVE!

I just wanted to wish my wonderful, loving, most awesome husband a very happy 35th birthday! LOVE YOU POOKIE!

Friday, March 25, 2011

A giveaway!

Hey everyone, my friend Heather is offering a giveaway on her blog! Be sure to go check it out, enter to win yourself, and leave a comment that Michele A. sent you! =) I'd much appreciate it.. and, who couldn't use a giftcard? =)

------>Here's her awesome blog! <-------------

Good luck!

Monday, March 21, 2011


I need a sitter for Bella. I'm way too paranoid to leave her with anyone. I mean, sure a couple of hours, but rarely ever during naptime or bedtime. Of course I leave her with Kevin, but as far as leaving her with someone else.. I start to freak out just thinking about it. Will she go down okay? Will they just let her run until she passes out? Will they feed her, change her? will she be okay? will she wake up and freak out before we get home?

I'm sure all these worries are not really an issue, but still i worry. A lot. a whole lot.

So.. I'm just thinking ahead, because our 5 year anniversary is coming up. And I'd really like to go out. You know, like a real date. just me and him, where we actually care what we look like, and we can just enjoy each others company.

Anyhow, thats my only update, because it's 10:15pm, and I'm tired. =)

Saturday, March 5, 2011

I don't have a title for this one.

I stopped c25k. I have some emotional stress going on, and while everyone tells me exercising will help, I really can't find the time because my brain is so unorganized lately. I feel as though I'm struggling to stay on track each day. I have trouble staying focused, and I am not sure how to correct this situation. 

My parents are about to go through what is bound to be a very messy divorce. While I am only a day away from being 30 (that's a whole other stress!) watching this happen makes me feel like a little kid. Trying to be the mediator, for them, for my brother and sister... it's tiring. I really want to just remove myself from all of it, but I worry about how my sister and brother are doing emotionally, I worry about my mom. She is going through a mid-life crisis, and acting in ways that are not normal for her, and seeming to be a bit irrational. I'm trying to be supportive but I find it even more exhausting to try and decipher the truth from her personal reality every time we talk.  but, i wont go into all those details.. Its just a stresser.

Money is always on the forefront of my worries. Kevin's car is still acting up, mine needs new tired and rotors badly, and of course gas prices really don't help the situation. Everythign seems to be more expensive, and I struggle to find a way to bring in more money for our house, but it is difficult with Kevin's schedule, as we don't want to put Bella in daycare.

Anyhow.. That's what is going on in my life. I'm trying to find ways to make some changes for the positive, but I feel like there is a lot of negative pull around me right now.

Monday, January 31, 2011


I'm going to run a 5K in June. This is how I'm going to do it - using The Couch to 5k program, and the LoseIt! Website, journaling my food and exercise, limiting my calories.. doing what I can to get healthy. I realized the other day when I was picking up toys and was so pout of breath and my heart was pounding just from bending over and picking up toys from the floor (Repeatedly). So, here's the 9 week program to get to the 5k.

You can also get this (and the background of it all) at www.coolrunning.com

Week Workout 1 Workout 2 Workout 3
1 Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes. Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes. Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.
2 Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes. Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes. Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.
3 Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then do two repetitions of the following:
  • Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
  • Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
  • Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes)
  • Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then do two repetitions of the following:
  • Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
  • Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
  • Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes)
  • Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then do two repetitions of the following:
  • Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
  • Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
  • Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes)
  • Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)
4 Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
  • Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
  • Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
  • Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
  • Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes)
  • Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
  • Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
  • Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
  • Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
  • Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
  • Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
  • Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes)
  • Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
  • Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
  • Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
  • Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
  • Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
  • Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
  • Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes)
  • Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
  • Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
  • Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
5 Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
  • Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
  • Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
  • Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
  • Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
  • Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
  • Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes)
  • Walk 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
  • Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes)
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog two miles (or 20 minutes) with no walking.
6 Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
  • Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
  • Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
  • Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes)
  • Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
  • Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
  • Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes)
  • Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
  • Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes)
Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2-1/4 miles (or 25 minutes) with no walking.
7 Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes). Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes). Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes).
8 Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.75 miles (or 28 minutes). Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.75 miles (or 28 minutes). Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.75 miles (or 28 minutes).
9 Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 3 miles (or 30 minutes). Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 3 miles (or 30 minutes). The final workout! Congratulations! Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 3 miles (or 30 minutes).

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Being the rock is hard work..

Forgive me if I repeat things I have posted before. I just need an outlet.

I'm the rock. I'm the one who is honest when you ask my advice. I will be there for you to hold you up when you are falling down. I will pick you up if you've fallen. I will hold open the door when you have no strength to turn the knob. I will find the silver lining, I will help you focus on it. I am the annoyingly optimistic person that will tell you everything happens for a reason, that no door closes without at least a window being open. That everything will work out and that it may not be what we have in mind, but it will, and it will all be okay, somehow, someway. Well.. at least.. that's who I was. Just a month ago, I was finding that optimism, that positive outlook on my life when everything seemed to be going wrong..

Now, I feel like this rock, that I have been for so many people, it slowly cracking.. small pebbles are falling away.. and I'm having a harder and harder time finding the silver lining. yes, My daughter, my husband, they are my silver lining. But we all know that when it is all said and done, we need a roof over our heads, and the stress to be gone. Are there people out there in worse situations? Yes. Of course. I feel like, no matter what we do right now, nothing is going right..

In the past year we have filed bankruptcy, moved out of our house, my husband is losing his job, my mom left my dad and is going to North Carolina to be with some guy she met online, my dad is losing his job, our Beagle had cancer and we had to put her down, my mom donated a kidney to my uncle (both are well except for my mom's apparent midlife crisis). We just found out our other dog, Amie, which lives with my in-laws, really hurt her back and may need surgery for that, and that the surgery may not even help her. I've had a few emotional breaks over things that have been said to us, by family, about our choices and current situation.. its just.. all too much.

It doesn't sound like a lot, but its all big things. My shoulders and neck are constantly tense. My head hurts 85% of the time. I feel like I'm just floating around. I've lost desire to do anything remotely productive. Trust me, I feel like trying, I tell myself - You've got to get up, get moving. Do the dishes, the laundry, do this or that, and.. well.. I don't. I just.. well, taking a shower takes huge effort most days. I feel like I'm just disconnecting from everything. I'm here. I'm doing what I'm supposed to - because of Bella. She is all that drives me to keep moving forward, but.. I can't cry to her about my feelings. I can't talk to her and yell and scream to get my emotions out. And I feel like all I do when I talk to my friends is complain, and I hate being that person, the one who always just whines about how awful MY life is. The truth is, I don't have anything else to talk about. Sure, Bella is doing great.. I can talk about Bella, but somehow I ALWAYS turn the conversation onto my own problems. I do it unconsciously. And then next thing I know I'm rambling on and on about all my problems. And then I'm like.. crap.. they don't freaking care, because I've told this person all of this before. nothing has changed. Why do I keep just.. repeating myself. It's probably because I just have all these emotions bottled up. And not all of them I feel comfortable sharing, and so I just share the things I do feel like I can share and so.. you hear it over and over.

I'm the rock. I have to hold it together. I have to see the silver lining, to be positive, to keep My family going forward, to go towards and work towards what is positive and good and get through these tough and challenging times.

I need to find my way to God. I know that will help. The problem is, we go to a Catholic church. I wanted to go to other churches, but.. Kevin really wants to be Catholic, because his dad and uncle and half his family is. He feels that is where he should be. Except we can't join because of my stupid first marriage not being able to be annulled because they need information from my ex's family. Makes no freaking sense to me. Why should that matter.. but it does. I haven't done anything because I don't feel that pull into the Catholic Church. I want to go to another church. One that is.. I don't know. I don't know what religion. I just want somewhere I feel a bit more comfortable. That there is less of a feeling that i HAVE to go, and more of a WANT to go. With mass, I feel like there is this big stigma of obligation, you HAVE to be there. If you don't, you should feel horrible and guilty and go confess why you weren't there and I just am not into that. I don't feel like it's where I should be. I dunno..t hats totally off subject from where I started but.. whatever. I'm putting it out there.

So.. a rock, a boulder.. under enough pressure, eventually cracks and starts to crumble. That's how I feel. Like little pieces of me are slowly falling apart.. and all I am able to do it just stand by and watch. I seriously have thought about seeing a therapist or a counselor, or seeing if there is some sort of medication to help me, or something. Because.. I hate feeling like this, but I just can't seem to shake it.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Covergirl Campaign

Sign up on CG's facebook page and you could win some fabulous prizes!
I absolutely love Covergirl Products (I'm not just saying that, either! ). So check it out and maybe you'll win! If you do, by chance, win the trip to see Ellen, i fully expect for you to bring me with you! ;)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Opinions.. everyone has one. A post about Social Networking.

So, I'm on Facebook. i've been on facebook. I love to post things, somedays i post a lot of random stuff, some days I post nothing. I know some people hate that I post randomness, and others love it.

My page is private, so if you aren't my friend, you can't see it, and you *shouldn't* be able to search for me either. It's been like that for a while now, pretty much shortly after I created it. I don't want random people on my page. It's that simple. i know who is on the list, so I know who I'm posting to.

I know that what I post - where I am, where I went, where I'm going, who I'm with, what i'm doing, everything - is open for opinions by those who read it. That is fine, I'm aware of that and I have no problem with that. Everyone has opinions, there's no getting around it. Some people like to tell me their opinions, and, i'm okay with that, even if I don't agree with it, I'm okay that they tell me. I prefer that they tell me, actually.

What i've realized i'm NOT okay with, is if they tell everyone else, and then somehow i hear that they've been sharing this opinion (good or bad) with mutual friends and people we know, and not with me. This is where I find problems. This is what truly bugs me. you see, I come from a family where we don't keep opinions to ourselves. We also don't run around and talk to everyone else about it either. I was raised that if I have something to say, I will say it. Now, my dad is reserved, and has always been good about what he says and how he says it. My mom, on the other hand, has no filter. For a long time, as a teenager, i also lacked that filter. As i've grown, I've learned that i can still say what i think, but in a way that isn't obnoxious and over-the-top. Occasionally that filter slips. Something comes out the wrong way with the wrong tone. Most people I know say something to me, either right there, or off to the side later on. Some people I'm sure just assume that that is just how I am and accept it. I know there are some people who find it terribly troubling, but can't confront me for whatever reason, but also have no problem telling everyone else about it.

Regardless of whatever anyone's reasons for their actions, I prefer to just be confronted. i cannot help myself to be a better person, if i am not given constructive criticism.

Facebook is a funny creature. you have friends, family, acquaintances, strangers. We all have different levels of what we share and don't share. Because of recent events, I've decided that facebook is for my moms club friends and a few select other friend who, without facebook, i'd have no other means of communication.

Anyhow, if you have an opinions about that, or this post, or my hair, or where i was last tuesday, kindly leave a comment. Or text me, or call me. But please, don't tell all your friends about it. Or, even if you do, tell me too. Thanks.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Two Years ago..

Two years ago, on this day, at 10:38 am, my precious little girl was born. She was beautiful and amazing, and ever since then she has been teaching me just as much as I've been teaching her. She's just about 30lbs, and i believe 33" tall. Her checkup isn't for another week, so I don't have the exact numbers.. but I will. =) She wears a 2T in shirts and pants, a few 3T shirts.. and size 7 shoe. Her hair hangs just above her shoulder blades on her back, and her bangs come down to her chin. Her hair is always a mess, and it's a challenge to keep it out of her face, yet I refuse to cut it.

Bella can speak very well for her age.  She knows a lot of animals, and their sounds. Her favorite animals seem to be Lemurs and Zebras, but she also likes tigers and monkeys. Her favorite shows are Yo Gabba Gabba, Caillou, The Wiggles, and Timmy Time. She also like a short cartoon that comes on in between shows called "Monkey See, Monkey Do".  She is getting into princesses and Tinkerbell. We are doing a themed party this year with Disney Faeries.  I'm sure she would be happy with anything, but this seemed to be the most convenient. Plus, she was super excited when we picked out the plates.

She enjoys music and dancing, and even more than that she loves books. She loves to "read" them, or have them read to her. She loves to be outside when the weather is nice, and she really enjoys playing with other kids.

She has a quick temper, which proves to be a challenge to deal with. We are working on finding the right way to combat her fits and temper. They usually fizzle out quickly if we ignore her, so that's what we try to do. Although, do you have any idea how hard it is to ignore a toddler who is screaming AND chasing you down?

She's learning colors and numbers, and shapes too. She can count to 3, knows red, blue, and yellow, and can also identify a square and a star.  Finger painting and coloring have really helped with her colors and gross motor skills.  She can jump off the ground, and has been able to for a few months. She has all but her last two top molars, and she eats just about anything we give her. I have found out she does not like raisins or jello though!

So, as we celebrate another wonderful year with Bella, I am reflecting on not only what she has learned, but what I have learned as well.

She has taught me patience, and acceptance. She has taught me to trust my own instincts. She has taught me to appreciate life, and the people around me. I do alot of things differently, I shop, cook, and eat differently.  I sacrifice more, although, it doesn't necessarily feel like a sacrifice. It feels good to me to give her more, and take less for myself. I s'pose that's part of being a mom, but it's just another way I've changed in the last two years. She makes me want to be a better person all around. She's made me appreciate Kevin, and that he is here for us.  She, without knowing, encourages me to be more open and communicate more in my relationship with Kevin.  It is something I've not always been great at, but I'm working on it. I want our relationship to be a good and healthy example for her.

But.. it's her birthday. She's going to be two. Two. It just doesn't seem right that she's two already. It makes me cry.. she's so big and smart and beautiful.. and I'm so proud.. but.. where did my baby go? I guess the way mother nature eases this little twinge of pain is that this is the stage where she wants only mommy for everything. I must get her out of her carseat. I must be the one to put on her socks and shoes (and change her diaper and get her dressed, for that matter). If she drops her cup from her high chair, daddy better not touch it!! Mommy to the rescue. So, while I may complain that she is stuck to me like glue and I can't get a break, I try to remind myself that there will be a day that she won't want anything to do with me, and so I must pause and help her with whatever she needs, or just hold her if that's what she wants... because all too soon she'll be a teenager, and she'll be yelling at me and telling me to leave her alone.